Is Social Media Harming In-Person Relationships?

 By Krista Kvinsland

Relationships between people aren’t what they used to be. With the increase in technology and mainly social media, in-person relationships have been drastically affected. The average American spends just under 7 hours a day on their phones, and a majority of that time is spent on social media. Curating posts, checking feeds, and doomscrolling have become normal parts of that day. One side of the argument believes that social media is bringing people closer together than ever before. With accessibility to people hundreds of miles away at the touch of a button, that ideology is true. People are able to connect, no matter the time zone. Yet the other side argues that this access to social media has slowly been drawing a divide between people and those relationships. People need to be careful when juggling social media as well as their relationships with people, because it is very challenging to keep the balance between the two.

Perspective #1: Social Media is a Great Tool for Relationships:

    On the positive end of the argument, social media does help bring people closer together. Couples are able to connect and keep in touch, even when not together. In her article, “10 Positive Effects of Social Media on Relationships,” Barbara Ivusic argues that social media has helped couples communicate and connect better than ever. Without easy ways to communicate, many people would feel alone and left out of their partner's life. Ivusic states how important communication is for couples, and how social media has amplified it. Ivusik also examines how social media is a great place to find out more about a partner’s interests. Partners can learn of the others interests through things they like, share, and send. Meeting people on social media is also a common way that people meet their partners, and Ivusic makes that point clear. She says, “There is no shortage of apps that are centered on making connections.” She also states that social media has found a way into the lives of the elderly, looking to make connections as well. Once these connections are made, using social media as a tool to organize hanging out and meeting up is also a function it serves. There are many ways that social media can be used to improve the lives of those in relationships. The possibilities are endless when it comes to ideas and connections made with just the touch of a button.

Perspective #2: Social Media is Bad for Relationships:

Although couples can see social media as a tool to help strengthen and better their relationships, there are also a lot of downsides. In her article, “12 Ways Social Media Affects Relationships, From Research & Experts,” Abby Moore argues that couples need to lessen their time spent on social media to better their relationship. Moore explains how social media makes people in relationships have unrealistic expectations of each other and also themselves. Many posts online highlight only the good parts of relationships, like elaborate vacations, date nights, and even proposals. This can damage the stability and happiness of couples if their relationship doesn’t mirror those expectations. She also highlights how social media can be linked to massive amounts of jealousy. Scrolling through partners’ following or stalking exes can lead to jealousy and insecurities between partners. She also warns that this jealousy can cause trust issues within relationships. Moore also uses statistics to show how the overuse of social media can make couples want to fight more. The main negative impact that social media has on those in relationships is taking time away from each other. Moore explains how internet addictions are making people less likely to engage in deep and meaningful conversation and time with their partners. They are finding pleasure in scrolling on their phones, and that pleasure can’t be matched with a real human connection. Social media has also been found to have drastic effects on mental health. Moore scrutinizes its negative effect on the mental health of users and how it has been linked to issues like poor self-esteem and depression. Moore also references its association with body image problems. Edited images and unrealistic expectations for how people should look cause real damage. She lastly states how self-centered and narcissistic social media makes people. The need to post pictures and receive feedback can make people have an ego. People in relationships should not be self-centered, and Moore emphasizes how it can lead to trauma for the partner. While social media can be utilized for good, it is also a slippery slope into the bad parts. It’s hard for couples not to compare their relationship to those online and deepen their connection, when scrolling and avoiding real things is so much easier.

Points of Disagreement:

Each argument portrays social media in opposite ways. While one praises it for bringing people closer together, one breaks it down for tearing people apart. One of the things they disagree on the most is the effect social media has on relationships. In her article, Ivusic claims that social media has made bonds stronger between people. She references how posting big news and accomplishments to their feed will make people reach out. She says, “Sharing important life events like births and marriages on your social media allows others to take an interest in your life's journey.” Ivusic also uses long-distance relationships as an example of how social media can bring people closer together. Even though they cannot be in the same place, they can still share a meaningful bond and connection. On the contrary, Moore believes quite the opposite. She claims that social media “distracts” people from spending real time with people. She uses an article from the National Library of Medicine explaining the dangers of people’s internet addiction. Moore explains that, “Constant scrolling through social media can cause you to be less engaged or excited in your relationship.” Connecting with people in real life is hard, which is why people have resorted to the connection they feel through their phones. If people feel like their real life isn’t interesting, they don’t have any reason to put real effort into anything. Both articles and authors have strong points in convincing readers that social media has different effects on users.

Points of Agreement:

While both authors disagree about social media’s influence and effect on relationships, they both agree that communication is important. Whether that be in support of the utilization of social media or not, each side recognizes that key part. In her article, Ivusic mentions how easy couples reach each other with access to social media. She exemplifies this by saying that “[c]ommunicating through chats, messages, and calls is a quick and easy way to stay in touch.” There are so many different platforms that encourage communication, which makes it easier for partners, even when they can’t be together. It has also made people feel more optimistic about being able to go long distances effectively. People don’t feel discouraged about living apart from their partner, because they are able to text, call, or even FaceTime them any time they want. Moore agrees that spending quality time with partners leads to strong and healthy relationships. She emphasizes how addictions to technology and social media keep people from spending that time with each other. Moore advises, “Practice valuing in-person connection over internet connection.” She phrases the importance of connection, while also pointing out how social media is harming that. Although they disagree on the ways couples can connect, both authors find communication vitally important. Moor and Ivusic make clear references to the connection between partners and how those things can be accomplished.

Strengths and Weaknesses of Source #1:

            Ivusic presents a strong argument supporting her claim that social media has a place in people’s relationships, but there are also some spots she could’ve done a better job supporting it. She is a staff writer at MUO and has worked there for over 15 years. Ivusic specializes in online and print publishing and received a Bachelor's in English from the University of Sydney. She highlights key points that help structure her argument and has valid reasons supporting each section. She does not cite any articles written by people who study the effects of social media on those in relationships, which could have strengthened her argument. Similarly, her use of logic and reasoning was not as effective as she could’ve made it. Without including links to other articles or statistics to help prove her point, it’s hard to reason with her claim. Ivusic’s argument relies heavily on relating to her audience and using personal emotions to persuade them. The pictures she includes in her article display happy couples, and people are drawn in. In her argument for each point, she uses scenarios that many would relate to in order to come off trustworthy.

Strengths and Weaknesses of Source #2:

            Moore displays her information differently, using a more reasonable approach to her argument. Abby Moore is an editorial operations manager for Mindbodygreen and received a bachelor's in journalism from the University of Texas at Austin. She covers many topics in her work and does not specialize in just one field. In her article, she references the National Library of Medicine and the Australian Journal of Information Systems, which boost her credibility throughout her article. Both of these websites show thorough knowledge of the topic and are peer-written and reviewed. Utilizing these articles makes her more trustworthy to readers because she connects her claim to reputable sources in these areas. She links many of her points to other articles that explain in a deeper context. Including these helps her reasoning in her article because there is evidence to support the points she is making. Her argument does not use as much pathos and emotional appeal as Ivusic’s, though. Her article lacks pictures to grab the reader’s attention or trigger words to evoke emotion. Moore used a more reasonable approach that did not rely as heavily on the emotional appeal to the reader.

Compromise:

            Both sides of the argument bring up relevant and convincing points. Although there is sufficient evidence to support the argument for both sides, there is no winner. Relationships are so unique and specific to each situation that there can’t be a clear side to pick. Understanding the benefits and drawbacks of social media helps users make more conscious decisions about using it. There needs to be a healthy balance between phone usage and time spent deliberately to ensure the strength and stability of a relationship. There will be instances where having alone time from each other on separate social media will happen, but it also needs to be thought about how that may be affecting the relationship. With each relationship and the dynamic of it being different, people need to consider both sides and make the best decision for themselves.